Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
