found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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