Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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