i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
