Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
