Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
