Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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