R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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