I can tuck mytits in my pants
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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