ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
