i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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