Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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