At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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