there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
