Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
