captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
