3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
