Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
