You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
We're too hungover to prance.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
