Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
