That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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