No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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