Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
