his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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