the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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