hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
