I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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