Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
do herpes really smell.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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