I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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