i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Blood and glitter go together right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
