Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
