You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
