I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
