He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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