Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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