The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
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