im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
