i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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