finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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