Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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