Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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