what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
