remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Randomize
