I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
