Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I skipped work to stalk him.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
did i walk over a car last night?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
