After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
