I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
