My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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