I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
