SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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