How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
