I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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