I'm so fucking centered right now
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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