Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
