Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
