actually, I'm a sock model
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
