i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He has the fingertips of a God
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