i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
