Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
