I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
