I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just found puke in my bra..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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