Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
