But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
