the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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