she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
