i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
