Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
