what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
