shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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