well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You pole danced in your parka.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
