I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
