I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
love makes seman taste better
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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