he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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