Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
