she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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